


a notion

by orphan_account



Category: Kyou Kara Maou!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-20
Updated: 2008-01-20
Packaged: 2017-10-11 16:20:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/114296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yuuri and Wolfram have a talk about the state of affairs. <br/>Written post-S1 finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a notion

It was already dusking out, shortly before the sun was set to vanish behind the horizon. The room had cooled down, was no longer the simmering heat as during the day, which had driven everyone outside and into the courtyards. Yuuri sat down on his bed, staring at Wolfram's back, tense and burdened with strain. Wolfram wasn't much like his old self, he'd noticed _that_, little attentive as he usually was. Wolfram had... grown up, almost, through the experience of almost-dying.

Yuuri's heart was beating hard in his chest. He didn't want to have this conversation, he didn't want to talk about any of this, but Yuuri wanted to be grown-up, too. Yuuri wanted not to have to worry about this thing they had between them anymore.

"I kind of missed you," he finally blurted, uncertain and full of reprehension. "When. We all thought you were dead."

Wolfram didn't turn. His hand was clenched to a fist. "What am I supposed to say to that?" he asked softly. "That's not a profession of... anything, really."

"What do you want?" Yuuri said. He felt helpless. "I just... I mean, I don't really see what I can do."

"That's a new one," Wolfram's voice was icy. "Usually, you are always the first one to barrell towards a goal. But then, it's not like you know exactly how to tell me, is it."

"Tell you?" Yuuri blinked.

Wolfram whirled around, and his eyes were filled with anger and hurt. "You don't get to treat me like a piece on the side anymore. I - I managed to let go of you, I did, I told you to go and stay away, and I managed to be happy, just by myself. And then you come back and it starts all over again. How am I supposed to deal with that? And the worst is, you coming back, it made me realize what a fool I made of myself. Following you around like a love-sick puppy, people must have been thinking - I don't know. I just..." he turned watering eyes to the windows again. "I just think it was a mistake of you to come back."

"But you seemed to be happy to see me," Yuuri mumbled. "Before. You... you seemed fine."

"I never think around you," Wolfram bit out. "It's like my brain takes a break when you're nearby, and it drives me crazy. I'm not stupid! I'm one of the best scholars in the kingdom! But you make me revert to a babbling idiot. I hate that so much."

"It's not like that's my fault!" Yuuri protested, indignant.

"Of course it is!" Wolfram suddenly yelled. "If you hadn't come back - if you'd just stayed with your family and never come back, I could have - I would have gotten over it. I would have found someone, and Greta and me, we were okay, without you, and we - some day, I'd have taught her how to be a queen and - why did you have to come back?" He hit the wall with his flat hand, not looking at Yuuri. "Why did you think it was a good idea to come back when you're not ready to give me even an inch?"

Yuuri hooked his fingers into the bedcovers, clenching them tightly. "I don't know," he said. "I can't tell you, I don't know, okay? I just know that if I could choose between staying there all the time, leading my normal life and being just Yuuri, and then, on the other hand, being here _and_ there, enjoying both lives - and I can do good here! I know I can."

"So I turn out to be the selfish one again," Wolfram snorted. "Of course. There's just never a way that you could do wrong, is there." He sounded incredibly bitter.

Yuuri didn't know what to say to that. He made his choices the best way he knew, and sometimes with help of his advisors, but following his heart had always been the way to go, just to do what his instincts told him, what his conscience was okay with. It had never really mattered before, never been questioned by anybody. He was the Maou here. Everybody was content whenever he made a decision at all.

He got up from his seat, unclawed his fingers and moved towards Wolfram, touching his shoulder lightly. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm really sorry for hurting you all the time."

"You're not," Wolfram sniffled a little. "If you were, you'd just piss off and leave me alone to get the tears out of my system and then we could go back to playing wrongfully engaged and you could go flirt with people and I'd play the jealous kid who's so in love with the most powerful guy in my world that he fails to notice he's not even wanted. But you're not sorry, so obviously, you're staying here and doing again what you think is best, which is to make me hope, again."

Yuuri let his hand fall away and felt a bit awkward standing so close to Wolfram, admitting to himself that it was all true. Never mind that some of the motivations were twisted around to fit Wolfram's point of view, the end result was the same. And it didn't look good for him.

"I can leave you alone if you want," he muttered. "I just thought it might help if I told you that... you know. That I really did think about it all and that I don't mind so much anymore."

Wolfram turned his head, huge green eyes surprised. "What?"

"The... the whole. You know. I don't - I kind of thought about it. I mean, I can't promise anything, and we shouldn't maybe do stuff just yet, but. I thought about it while you were in that coma, and then when I was at home and not here and thought there was no way to come back. That I missed you. A lot. More than I thought I would."

"What exactly is this supposed to mean?"

Yuuri swallowed, squeezed his eyes shut for a second, told himself, 'This is not so different, this is Wolfram, you've known him for over a year now, you're friends and he's so beautiful' and he stood up on his tiptoes and placed a kiss to Wolfram's cheek. "I guess what I want to say it that we could try. And I do like you."

Wolfram stared at him for a long, long time. He didn't seem to believe Yuuri, his expression highly suspicious at first, but then softened. "I don't know if that's such a good idea," he finally said.

"What?" Yuuri blinked.

Wolfram moved a little step back and shrugged, and he suddenly looked very, very vulnerable. "I'm in love with you, Yuuri. I am, and have been for a long time. And just because you have a fancy to try doesn't mean I'm prepared to let you have a go at me." His voice was suddenly steel as he took another step back. "Either you want to, or you don't. I'm not letting you jerk me around. Not anymore."

"I... don't know."

"You have to be sure," Wolfram told him. "You have to be. And if you're not, everything I said still goes. I'm sorry."

Yuuri watched him stride out of the room, at a loss. There was a sharp pain in his chest suddenly. He grimaced and moved back to the bed, sat down gingerly, trying to make sense of what just happened. This wasn't right, was all he could come up with. He'd been ready to try, but this time, Wolfram had told him off? He shook his head and buried his face in his knees, thinking.

He'd thought he would be able to put it right, to make Wolfram less miserable. After all, that was what he was good at. Helping people.

But apparently, this would not be solved so easily, and he had no idea how to do better this time.

~*~

~~ _written in January 2008_


End file.
